Pretended to have a headache so I could stay home from school and get lots of work done, but we're getting let out early anyway because of "impending weather," meaning snow, meaning general joy for us teenagers.
So I did it. No more auditions, no more anything. No college, except for the occasional scholarship that I'm applicable for, and those are still a little ways off. I hope so much for NYU, but there are thousands, and they take sixty into CAP. Plus, everyone says that all the CAP kids are only there to compete. Naturally, I'd like to see for myself... I just want to be in New York at this school I've dreamed about for several years... that my silly former significant other was lucky enough (and smart enough) to get into.
Speaking of that one, he's living it up. He's found a new girl, and I'm rather impressed by that.... The way he talks sometimes, you'd think he has no confidence in himself whatsoever. He wasn't even going to pursue this one, but I talked him into it. No regrets, at least not immediately. I'm sure they'll come in small doses when things get serious between them, but I know this is what's best. He needs something different. Someone that's not me. Someone kind. Hopefully he'll realize that, too. And she's what he needs. She's nice. She lives in his dorm. She's pretty... and short. *sigh*
In any case, I did get to see the gates, and I'm so glad... they were much grander than I imagined, these tall, proud, unapologetically orange structures lining the twisting walkways of nature in New York. The curtains hanging from them were pleated at the top so when the wind blew threw them the ripples went from one side to the other, creating the effect of breaking waves. It was beautiful, and very serene. I could have stayed there for hours despite the cold, perched on the edge of one of the boulders, watching as the sun went down. The others seemed similarly affected. I do, however, have a fun little video of Matt Parelman in his Soviet coat asking, "Why aren't those flags red?"
I missed my bus that night and had to stay over rather than be stranded in Philadelphia when I got home. Mom grounded me, but it's almost laughable, because she never puts any time or privilege limits on this sort of thing. She just stays generally angry and huffy and crow-like. Por ejemple:
Yesterday Tom and Emma were over to watch the Project Runway finale. They came home with me before Mom returned from work and I asked her on the phone if they could stay through dinner and the show, and she said of course. When she came home, though, she realized what she'd done and dragged me out of the guest room to yell at me for being grounded and therefore I wasn't allowed to have friends over. I felt like laughing, but I held my tongue. She couldn't do much without appearing nasty, though, so she made herself a dang quesidilla and harumphed downstairs and didn't speak to me for most of the night.
She's so disagreeable lately... and I've been trying to step back and see her behavior for how ridiculous it is. It's working. A few days ago she and Sarah had an argument over who would get which TV. Mom had the main living room TV claimed, and Sarah wanted to use the guest room, but I was doing homework and insisted against it. She refused to go watch the tiny TV in Mom's room, so instead she went downstairs to watch the tiny TV in the kitchen, right beside Mom and her movie. They both turned the volume up as loud as it would go and concentrated on their shows, occasionally stealing glances at each other to see who would crack first. I timidly ventured down there to get a drink and was almost deafened by the noise of Gilmore Girls and Raising Helen competing with each other.
So, family entertainment aside... I need a new layout. Today would be an intelligent day to do it if I didn't have so much of everything else. I'm still horrible at web formatting, though, and it's going to take a long time for me to figure all of this out, particularly if I don't even know what I want it to look like yet. But there's too much black here; this journal was birthed and maintained in a time when black was appropriate, and it doesn't feel that way anymore. I want a little bit of color. Not too much, because that would scare my goth side into hiding, but just enough to appease the fairy girl inside me who's crying because it's dark.
Spring's coming, hopefully... not that the snow falling outside right now is any indication. But spring is a time for colors. Emma and I were lamenting yesterday about how much we missed long, flowy skirts and sandals. I want trees and beautiful green green grass that turns purple with young irises, and flowers everywhere, and walking home in sudden showers, and short sleeves, and bumblebees, and a sense of love mingling with the heavy April perfume in the air. More than anything, I want that. A bit of love to further sweeten the coming of spring.
And I'm going to be eighteen soon! Man, in only about a week.... That's kind of cool... I haven't really thought about it. I'd like to have a party, I mean, eighteen seems sort of important. I'll be able to drive and smoke and watch porn (legally) if I want to... yeech. But still, I want to celebrate, at least a little. Anyone want to give me ideas? I'd been considering a costume party....